self actualization

i found out about new orleans the other day. i am so disconnected from the rest of the world... it felt bad to know that i was so oblivious to such a huge disaster.

but it made me realize that i am truly happy and living a dream. i realized that for the last few weeks, i have had no worries, no stress, no self-doubt, no funk, no overthinking, no fear about the future... it´s weird to realize because last year was so difficult for me and right now i feel like i haven´t been happier. i feel like i´m just being me. be. no questions about what i´m supposed to be doing, who i am supposed to be, no questioning my choices, no doubts or regrets or fears. you know what i mean... because i feel like i´ve talked a lot about twentysomething crisis stuff in the last few years and it has been weeks, feels like lifetimes, since any of that stuff has been on my mind. and it´s more than just being on vacation and in another country. i feel like i´ve grown so much. corny.

like... this weekend traveling with my housemates at lago atitlan made me realize that i love traveling alone. i´m confident that i can travel by myself anywhere and i prefer it in a lot of ways. not that i´m against traveling with other people, there´s just something special about it. i feel really good about how i´ve handled challenging environments and situations, navigating with little language skills, not getting hustled, not being afraid, and having so much fun no matter what i´m doing. i feel like i can do anything... things i never thought i could do or would even want to do. and i feel like i can make fufilling connections with people that are so different than me... i don´t know it´s that self actualization stuff. blah blah... i can´t believe it´s only been 4 weeks!